Unspoken Promises (The Unspoken Love Series Book 2) Page 3

  Icy fear twists around my heart thinking that when I tell her, she won’t forgive me.

  There’s silence on the other end. Christian finally speaks, “She’ll reach out to everyone when she’s ready. Until then, stop blaming yourself. Do you hear me?”

  I ignore the last part of his statement. “I really need to speak to her. It’s important.” I swallow hard, hot tears slipping down my cheeks.

  My voice breaks, “I’ll text her, but please give her a hug for me.”

  Sheer panic sweeps through me and my entire body shivers. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose Camryn. Fear clutches my heart.

  “Sure thing. She doesn’t want everyone seeing her this banged up. You know Camryn, she doesn’t want anyone to see her vulnerable. That bastard took something from her that she’ll never get back. I’ve never seen my sister look so broken, so fragile and there’s nothing that I could do to save her and she’s my fucking blood.” A sudden chill hangs on the edge of his words, so I know that anything else we discuss is only going to make this situation even more volatile than it already is. Christian is blaming himself like we all are, little does he know that I’m the most integral part of that fucked-up night and that volatility may be directed at me once he finds out I’m to blame here.

  He clears his throat. “None of us know what to do to help. All we can do is wait. Give her space. Give her the time she needs to heal. She’ll let us back in when she is ready. That’s the only advice I can give at the moment.”

  “Okay, thanks.” I push end on my cell phone. I hunch over, my arms resting on my thighs.

  I need to see Camryn. I can only hope that she allows me to visit. I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her she is a fighter, that she is the strongest person I know. Instead I’m here with Lincoln while my mind wanders to a very dark place.

  LINCOLN

  “Guilt isn’t always a rational thing…Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.”

  – Maureen Johnson

  I pour more whiskey into the tumbler and take a long sip. The liquor burns as it goes down my throat. The apartment is quiet and dark…the only light from the moon is coming in through the blinds. I sit here alone. Morgan went home to her apartment claiming she needed some time to think. I totally understand needing time to think, my fucking brain won’t shut off and just keeps playing and replaying what happened between us last night.

  Last night turned into a screaming match between us. Being close to her is what I needed. Having her wrapped in my arms is what I craved. I wanted to make love to her but she pushed me away. Maybe I attempted to use sex to avoid divulging how I really felt, to mask my pain, my guilt. Morgan pushed her hand against my chest, “I can’t do this.”

  She stepped out of my arms. She pointed her finger between the two of us. “How can I be intimate with you? Every time I close my eyes, I picture Camryn’s battered body on the floor. Her torn clothes, body bruised, blood on her face from where he hit her. The look of fear in her eyes. I can’t get that image out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, that image flashes before me. As much as I want to be with you, I can’t.” She closed her eyes as tears rolled down her face.

  “I need some time. I’m gonna go to my apartment.”

  Before I could stop her, she had her coat on and was out the door.

  I was just as helpless last night to stop what went down with Morgan as I’d been with what happened to Camryn…and it fucking sucks.

  I was never much of a drinker, one would laugh knowing that I own a bar and a night club. Drinking has never been my thing. However, drinking has become my new normal. I drink to forget. I drink to numb the excruciating, burning pain I feel in my chest every day.

  The guilt is crippling. A week has passed since the attack at my club. I blame myself for what happened, and Morgan blames herself. The two of us are a wreck. We’re two fucked-up individuals these days. My throat fills with self-loathing as the images of that night keep replaying in my mind. Could I have done something different? Did I miss something? How can I own a bar when I can’t even keep one of my best friends safe, much less my guests?

  The guys have called a few times, but I try to avoid their calls. When they text me, I keep my responses short and direct. I can’t talk about it with anyone except for Morgan, since I won’t tell the guys about the security room door. I promised Morgan I would let her talk to Camryn first. And my solitude is playing fucking tricks on my mind. The constant what-ifs and shoulda/coulda/woulda scenarios on repeat in my head are pushing me past my limit.

  I rub my hand over my face, feeling the roughness of my five-day-old growth. If I feel like shit, I might as well look like shit, right? I can’t stomach the reflection that would stare back at me. Last time I looked in the mirror, there were dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. Every time I close my eyes, the images of Camryn on the floor in the storage room flood my brain. No matter how much I try to push those images away, they continue to haunt me. The terrifying fear in her usual bright hazel eyes when I found her brings me to my knees every time. Just thinking of that night shatters me, guts me to my core.

  Morgan and I are barely speaking. Sometimes I don’t have the energy to talk. Sometimes it all feels fake—doing anything happy feels weird. My guilt is manifesting into anger. My anger is being directed at Morgan because I can’t talk to anyone else and we should be leaning on each other during all of this… we aren’t even doing that. Guilt and loneliness are playing havoc on our lives right now.

  I’ve texted Camryn a few times this week letting her know I’m thinking about her. But I haven’t received a response.

  Camryn and I have been close since Christian and Jamie welcomed me into their circle of friends in middle school. We met when we were in sixth grade and we’ve been inseparable since. That’s the day I met Morgan. The day I knew I found some really amazing friends. Good friends know your stories, my best friends have lived them with me.

  It was my first day at a new school. My dad’s job transferred him, so we had to move midyear. Being a newbie in a new school, a new neighborhood, was hard. What if no one liked me? What if no one talked to me?

  I walked out into the school yard. It was a sunny day. A group of kids stood in a circle over by the benches.

  One of the kids lifted his head and pointed in my direction. A tall, brown-haired boy walked over to me. “Hey, I’m Christian.” He held his fist up, showed me his knuckles.

  I looked at him a little hesitantly. “I’m Lincoln.” I said as I put my fist to his. Christian knocked his knuckles into mine.

  “I noticed you’re in some of my classes. I thought maybe you’d want to come hang out with me and my friends.”

  “Sure. Thanks.”

  We walked over to the rest of the group. There was another boy, he introduced himself as Jamie. There were two pretty girls who sat on top of the picnic table. I couldn’t take my eyes off the one girl. She was the prettiest girl I ever saw. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a braid and she had the biggest brown eyes. She smiled at me and raised her eyebrows. Oh boy, I sensed she was trouble. She jumped off the table and walked over and stopped right in front of me. I stuck my hand out, “Hi, I’m Lincoln.”

  She didn’t tell me her name. She stood there and stared at me. Then her eyes drifted down my entire body. Nervously, I took a few steps back.

  “Don’t be such a sis. I don’t bite.”

  The other girl sitting on the table laughed.

  “I’m Camryn.” She waved at me. “I promise I’m not as rude as she is.”

  The girl still hadn’t told me her name. For every step she took toward me, I took a step back. My back hit a tree, there was nowhere else for me to go. I heard a few chuckles from the group. She stuck her hand out to me. “I’m Morgan Kennedy.”

  I took her hand in mine and shook it. “Hi, I’m Lincoln Gates, it’s nice to meet you.”

  “Did anyone ever tell you you’re cute?”

/>   My dark blue eyes darted back and forth. Did she really just say that? This chick scares me.

  I cleared my throat. “Um. No, not really.”

  “Well, I think you’re cute. Cuter than Jamie. We need some new faces around here.”

  My eyes darted to the Jamie kid. From the few moments that I’d been standing here with Morgan, I noticed the way he stood near Camryn. I wonder if she is his girlfriend.

  I looked at Morgan. “What do you mean new faces?”

  “Camryn and Christian are twins. They’re both best friends with Jamie. I met them when I moved on their street when I was five years old.”

  She bit her lower lip and looked down at her feet. “Sometimes I feel like the outsider, if you know what I mean.”

  I took a step toward her, attempting to close the gap between us. “I’m sorry to hear that. What do you like to do? I mean... for fun?”

  Morgan made me nervous. There was something about her. She seemed to speak her mind.

  “I’m not good at sports. I don’t like to get dirty. That’s Camryn’s thing with the boys. I like playing video games. I’m an only child, so I’m alone a lot.”

  “Really? Me too. I bet I can kick your butt in Mario 3,” I replied.

  She raised her left brow at me and smirked. “Don’t be too confident, newbie. Game on.”

  “Come on. There’s no reason to be all the way over here.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the rest of the group.

  She turned back to look at me. “And by the way, I will kick your butt in any video game you pick.”

  I smiled at Morgan. I liked her already. I think I’m gonna like this group of friends.

  Morgan was very outgoing even at such a young age. She caught my eye the moment Christian introduced me to her. There was just something about her. The spark in her eye, and the spunk in her step. She was a force to reckon with even back then. It was one of the things that drew me to her.

  A few guys sit at the bar, drinking beer from frosted mugs. Their eyes are glued to the baseball game on the large screen behind the bar. Only a couple of the tables are occupied at this hour since it’s early in the night.

  I’m wiping down the bar at Aces when I hear Joe, the bouncer, working the front door laugh loudly. “Hey, buddy, what’s up?” I look up and see Christian and Jamie make their way toward the bar. They both pull out a stool, settling in.

  “What can I get you? The usual?” I ask.

  “You got it.” Christian nods.

  I grab two cold bottles of beer out of the cooler, pop the tops off and set them on a coaster in front of each of them.

  “How’s Camryn?” I can’t hold in the question any longer.

  “Not so good. She still won’t let anyone visit. She’s avoiding calls. She won’t even let Jamie in her room,” Christian answers.

  Jamie just takes a long pull of his beer.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?”

  “I don’t think so. She just needs time,” Christian replies.

  “How you holding up?” I ask Jamie.

  “Dude, you have no idea how hard this has been. I want to beat the fucking door down, but I don’t want to scare her more. It’s been the longest week of my life,” Jamie replies and shakes his head.

  “I was there when it happened. In the same building, and I didn’t have a fucking clue that my girl was being raped; instead I was sipping my fucking drink like I was on vacation and laughing it up with everyone at the party, not even realizing…” his breath catches, his nostrils flare with fury, “not even fucking realizing that while I sipped that beer, she was having her fucking light extinguished by some fucked-up sonofabitch who I want to kill every minute of every day.” A lone tear escapes as he quickly brushes it away.

  Jamie takes another mouthful of beer. “I will kill the bastard who did this to her, too. God help me if I ever get my hands on him.” The angry retort hardens his features.

  I nod. What can I say? I have no idea what he is going through. I can’t even imagine how I would be if this had happened to Morgan. I can only offer my support and be there if Camryn or the guys need me. Even if it is just supplying a place to hang out tonight and offering some cold beers.

  “I haven’t had a chance to talk to you. Did the detective find anything the other night?” Jamie asks.

  I don’t respond because I don’t want to lie. I promised Morgan that I wouldn’t say anything to Christian and Jamie until she had the opportunity to speak with Camryn. So I give them a half-truth.

  “I gave the detective a copy of the security footage and a print out of the licenses that were scanned from the guests. Redemption will be closed again this weekend. I need a breather after last week. I’m even tossing the idea around to sell the place.”

  “What. Why would you do that?” Christian asks, tipping his head to the side as his eyes widen.

  I sigh, dejectedly. “Honestly, I don’t know how I can keep it knowing what happened there. It will be a reminder every time I walk in the door. Not to mention, I don’t want Morgan ever being there without me knowing it just takes someone to forget to lock a door…I mean, just a few minutes…for something like this to happen.”

  “Look, dude. Camryn will be pissed if she knew you were looking to sell Redemption. She knows how hard you and Morgan worked to make that place one of the top night clubs in the city. Before you do anything, please wait to talk to her,” Christian says.

  I nod. I can’t make any promises. So rather than say anything out loud, I leave those promises unspoken.

  “You have that look on your face. What’s going through your mind?” Jamie asks before taking another pull of his beer.

  “All I’m going to say is Redemption is my club. It’s my responsibility to make sure the people who walk through those doors are safe. I thought I had enough security.”

  Christian takes a mouthful of his beer and points the bottle at me. “There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I wish I would have been there for my sister. To protect her from what happened that night.”

  Christian looks around to make sure no one is near us to overhear our conversation.

  “I know the two of you are harboring guilt from that night. Camryn doesn’t blame you or any of us. The other day when I spoke to Morgan, she kept saying it was her fault.”

  She’s worried how Camryn’s going to react to the news that she was the last one in the storage room. But I keep that thought to myself.

  Christian continues, “Does Morgan blame herself because it happened at her club?”

  I nod my head.

  Christian runs his hand over his face. “So Morgan is worried about their friendship and how this will affect them.”

  “I think so.” I shrug in resignation.

  “The two of them are like sisters. Nothing will change that.” Christian takes another mouthful of his beer.

  I run my hands down my face as I grab a beer out of the cooler for myself. I rarely drink when I’m working, but tonight my nerves are fucking shot. I feel like shit for keeping something from my two best friends. But I made a promise to Morgan that I intend to keep.

  “Don’t do this. This isn’t your fault,” Jamie says.

  “You have no idea what I’m thinking. Don’t. Just don’t,” I say through gritted teeth. I must have been louder than I thought because a few patrons turn and look in our direction. Christian watches the exchange between us but doesn’t say a word. He simply shakes his head at me.

  I grab the rag and wipe the counter down. I walk down to the end of the bar to help a few customers. Stalling for time, I grab some beers and load the cooler. Once the tension in my chest lessons and I gain control of my temper, I head back to the guys.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up at you. The past week has been hell,” my voice fades.

  “I talked to Morgan the other day. I told her Camryn will come around, she just needs time.” Christian replies.

  “I know. I was th
ere when she spoke to you.”

  Christian tips his beer to his lips and takes a long pull, finishing his beer off. He slides the empty bottle toward the edge of the bar. “Hit me with another, please. I plan on hanging here tonight. I can’t handle the silence at my parents’ house. They sit around waiting for my sister to come out of her room and their silence is absolutely fucking deafening. They know they need to be another rock in Camryn’s foundation but they are breaking and just as cracked as her spirit is right now.”

  Jamie finishes off his beer and tips his bottle toward me, knowing exactly what I’m saying. “Same here, bro. Keep ‘em coming.”

  Both of my best friends look defeated. None of us know how to proceed with what happened to Camryn. Sliding the cooler open, I grab three beers. Twisting the caps off, I place them in front of Jamie and Christian, another for myself.

  “Tell Morgan not to take it personal, she won’t even talk to me.” Jamie lets out a long, audible breath.

  I point my beer toward Jamie, “If only it was that easy, my friend.” I lean back against the counter behind me and I take a long pull from my beer.

  MORGAN

  “Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”

  – Erma Bombeck

  Two weeks have passed since that unforgettable night. My stomach clenches tight with each step I take toward the house. Each step is filled half with anticipation, half in dread. I shake the fearful images that build in my mind. The images of Camryn from that night.

  With trembling hands, I ring the doorbell and within seconds the door opens. “Come on in, girls. Camryn is upstairs but she should be down in a few minutes.” Camryn’s mom, Gwen, says as she holds the door open for Lindsey and me.

  I have my shaky hands tucked securely in my coat pockets. I’m so nervous. This house has been like a second home to me growing up where I’d spent many nights here over the years. The Townsends have become my second family. Today feels different though. I failed them and feel that I don’t deserve to be welcomed into their home with open arms, yet they have no idea the bomb I’m about to drop on them.